Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Flaw Suit

As McDougal's campaign manager alluded to in the previous post, because of the sheer case volume (mostly criminal trials and paternity suits) involved in the daily operations of McDougal's life, he maintains his own private law firm. In addition to civil and criminal law, the firm also currently employs teams of lawyers skilled in patent law and maritime law. As in most law firms, lawyers are selected based on skill and experience. However, these alone are not enough if a lawyer wants to become a full partner. In order for a lawyer to get their name on the firm's letterhead, McDougal demands that their very name conjure images of death and destruction in the minds of anyone receiving correspondence from the firm. Because of the heavy case load and sometimes bizarre demands of their patron, the turnover rate is high in the law firm, even among the full partners. This necessitates the firm changing its name from time to time, but as of this writing it is working under the name Gallows, Claymore, Panzer and Bastille.

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Sunday, July 23, 2006

Campaign Update!

Well, the other Staff Writers here at FOMcD may be inventing lame excuses to shirk their posting duties, but we here at McDougal Campaign Headquarters have been busier than ever. We've had to maintain a brief radio silence over the past month while we moved our operation from The Secure Compound to our Secret Jungle Base (I have included a view of the adjoining Bay of Skulls as seen from Artillery Battery Alpha), where we will be training new members of our campaign staff. Now that this operation is complete, we are pleased to announce that we are about to kick off McDougal's First American Campaign Tour! That's right, we will be traveling across the United States, stopping at various cities, towns and scenic vistas to introduce McDougal to this Great Nation that is badly in need of his leadership. We had originally planned on launching this tour on the Fourth of July, Our Great Nation's Birthday, however when McDougal was placed on house arrest, this had to be delayed. Because of the diligent work of McDougal's personal law firm he will be released shortly from his (possibly wrongful) imprisonment so that he may hit the campaign trail. So keep your eyes peeled gentle readers! The McDougal Campaign Convoy may soon be passing by on a Turnpike near you!

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Friday, July 21, 2006

Dry Humping

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Tuesday, July 18, 2006

McDougal's Movie Reviews - Jerry Maguire

As you have probably noticed, there have been few new posts on this weblog this summer. The staff here at FOMcD have been extremely busy with other projects. We realize this has been a disappointment to our readers and regret this unfortunate situation. We asked McDougal if he could submit another movie review so that some fresh content could be added to the weblog. Unfortunately McDougal is currently under house arrest and has been unable to make it to the local multiplex to take in a summer blockbuster. However, he has graciously agreed (OK, we had to bribe him with a handful of pills and a few lines of powdered Mexican drain cleaner) to write a short review of a movie he is able to watch at home, on basic cable. Enjoy!

What a load of sentimental bullshit. "You had me at hello"??? Is
that supposed to be romantic? The writers of this steaming pile of tripe wouldn't know romantic if it fucked them up the ass. You know what the most romantic thing a woman ever said to me is? "The doctor said I'm not contagious anymore." Goddamn... I'm getting a hard-on right now, just thinking about it...

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Friday, July 14, 2006

We've been out, too

And, unfortunately for all parties involved, it's had something to do with this.

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