The McDougal Campaign Tour - Day 62

I feel like the campaign in slowly losing what little momentum we have gained since this thing began. Shit... It has been over two months now, and not a peep about the campaign in any publication, no matter how minor. Even after many costly re-shoots, no TV networks will air our campaign ads. They say they are "offensive" and "slanderous." Fuck those guys. The closest thing to media coverage we have gotten is, we have been the subject of inter-company memos in every major hotel chain, warning their employees not to book rooms for us under any circumstances. At least there are still plenty of independent, mom and pop hotels around. Although, it may not be long until word gets around to them too. The overnight lodging industry is a surprisingly tightly-knit community. Who knew? You would think they would want McDougal running roughshod over the competition, but when he got so drunk that he raped the Pepsi machine at the Holiday Inn in Spokane they knew the whole story at the Motel 6 in Poughkeepsie just a few days later. To make matters worse, we are burning through our campaign fund at an alarming rate. I'm trying desperately to schedule some fundraising dinners in a few major cities, but since I don't know where we will be on any given day, this is next to impossible.

McDougal's MP3 playlist:

White Lines - Grandmaster Flash
Fortunate Son - Creedence Clearwater Revival
Ride of the Valkyries - Wagner
Free Ride - Edgar Winter
Bombs Over Baghdad - Outkast
Highway to Hell - AC/DC
Crazy - Gnarls Barkley
Tiny Bubbles - Don Ho
Running With the Devil - Van Halen
City Hall - Tenacious D

The McDougal Campaign Tour - Day 54

Campaign Manager's Journal - 10/15/2006 - Assrape Tennessee

Seriously, I think they filmed some of the scenes from Deliverance next to our hotel. The Banjo Boy helped me carry my luggage up. I bet it will be pretty easy for McDougal to score meth around here though. Silver linings...

I have half a mind to tell McDougal he isn't allowed to navigate anymore. I probably would if the man didn't scare the hell out of me. He's the scariest human being I've ever met, and I've been to prison.

Ok, it was one of those resort pens for white collar criminals... What did you expect? I'm in politics.

I actually miss that prison quite a bit now, given the condition of the "hotel" where we are staying. McDougal sleeps on the bus, of course, but the rest of us are stuck here wondering what those stains are (I'm pretty sure the ones on the carpet are blood, and I'm certain the ones on the pillows are semen. Those ones on the drywall are anybody's guess.) and hoping that duct tape on the shower head holds for one more night. The worst part is, the TVs don't even have cable. Some of the interns have never even seen a pair of rabbit ears until now, the spoiled little pricks. This afternoon, McDougal took some time out of his busy schedule and taught the interns the proper way to trash a hotel room. When the big man is on a tear, he makes Keith Moon look like a Cub Scout.

Earlier in the day I got a nice picture of campaign intern Jeff throwing his TV off the balcony. Unfortunately, Banjo Boy picked that moment to walk out of his office. The stitches look good on him though. They draw attention away from his eyes. That was before things got crazy. As I sit here typing this, the swimming pool is slowly filling back up, as raw sewage is now pumping directly into it. The stagnant water that was in it before is currently completely filling seventeen of the lower floor rooms. McDougal won that bet. I thought there would only be enough water to fill a dozen rooms, a baker's dozen at best. Most of the upper floor is on fire. Reminds me of New Orleans...