M.E.A.T. Party Platform

While neither McDougal nor Walken will comment on the rumored '08 M.E.A.T. Party presidential bid in 2008, Party Founder has shared the ten basic tenets of MEAT:

1. As President of the United States, McDougal shall decree that Christopher Walken will always play Vice President as the guy from True Romance.
2. President McDougal shall decree that New Orleans will be built bigger and better than ever -- on the MOON.
3. President McDougal will never go more than 14 hours without punching poor people in the face and/or taking something of value from them and dashing it to bits, then laughing like a maniacal villain from a James Bond movie.
4. Vice President Walken will only break character as the True Romance guy to say "more cowbell!" when the going gets tough. Actually he will go in and out of those two characters, which will be even more entertaining because it will surprise you when he switches.
5. The McDougal Administration will declare March 3, 4, and 5 "National Half-Week Where We Find New Potential First Ladies", and will cruise Buckhead, The Castro District, and the French Quart... oh wait, no, not the French Quarter.
6. For too long, our nation has struggled with too many meat options. This manner of confusion lessens a man's morale and mental resolve. Let us limit our meat choices. Bacon should be adopted as the national meat of choice.
7. Spider monkeys are ruining our world. No one does anything about spider monkeys. The prisons should be emptied, and the criminals appointed national exterminators or other high-ranking Federal positions (FEMA Director, Secretary of Meat, Pimiento Cheese Inspector General, etc.). I mean, come on, are they spiders or are they monkeys ... or do they live in that magic realm between?
8. I kind of like that show where Tommy Lee goes to college.
9. Implementation of the Fair Tax.
10. All former Presidents with a last name ending in H and starting with either B or X must be placed in a jello mold with at least three orifices (of their own choosing) sticking out. This mold will be placed in the center of the Mall of America on a gold leaflet pedestal, where all citizens of the world will be allowed to throw small objects at the orifices in freedom. No one shall trammel upon the rights of the people, and the Presidents shall be kept alive with intravenous fluids and SCUBA gear for no less than four years.