Who is McDougal?: Found this on my bathroom floor this morning:

Dear Mr. McDougal,

Thank you for your employment inquiry. Shell Oil Global Incorporated welcomes applicants with your qualifications and diverse background. We would like to meet you and discuss further the opportunity to employ you and benefit from your many talents.

We hope you do not consider it to untoward if we ask a few questions before setting up a meeting with yourself and the Shell Board of Directors;

When you say in your resume that you "fucked an entire army of Marilyn Vos Savant clones", do you mean that you reached fulfillment with each and every one of them? Or are you describing more of a general grab and pant orgy with them, in which all members may or may not have been satiated?
How exactly did you travel from 17th century China to the present-day home of Barbara Streisand? You made it very clear what you ate and defecated daily on your trip, but the vessel of travel was not mentioned. Just a point that needs clarification.
If you were to work for Shell Oil would you continue to, as you describe in your resume, rip the knees off anyone you meet in a public restroom who makes less than $800,000 a year? And if so, why?
Ivica Račan, of the Croatian People's Party, was in the early 2000s the minister of public works alongside Radimir Čačić, who was in turn a former president of the party. At the time they worked together they had two deputies in the Croatian Parliament. What were their names?
What would you say motivated you to write the words "eat my ass on a plate" on the top of the first 17 pages of your Letter of Intent?

If the answer to question 1 is that all of the Vos Savant clones were satisfied, could you please give us some insight into the pleasure points and erogenous zones of Ms. Vos Savant?

Thank you, and we look forward to hearing from you at your earliest convenience.