Ball Lightning

A few years ago, McDougal and I were on a work assignment in Tegucigalpa with the Olsen twins (Merlin and Ole), the Chukanovs, and the ghost of Percy Julian. Ostensibly, the project was centered on the study of wild yams and the impact of plate tectonics on growth rates. But three weeks into our mission, Merlin was felled by ball lightning and our focus changed.

Merlin's final words were confusing, humbling, and flat out scary. As he was illuminated by the freakish electrical pulse, Merlin screamed, "As for the Horsemen of the Apocalypse, there is but one. I do not know the name of the man, but I have seen his horse. And he is McDougal."

But there was also that ball lightning thing.

The Chukanov's believed that modern science failed to recognize the understanding of nature of ball lightning as an important source of energy. They said most people assumed that the energy was insignificant and came from an external source and not from within ball lightening itself. They felt this manner of thinking was disrespectful to ball lightning and to Merlin Olsen.

When McDougal heard how much science had disregarded ball lightning as a source of energy, he completely lost it. He stormed out of the jungle and straight to the Presidential Palace in the center city. When they refused access, McDougal beat the entire Honduran Presidential Guard to death with Merlin's electrified feet, then stormed in and climbed atop the palace, where he summoned Zeus to smite the people of Honduras for their complete and utter lack of respect for ball lightning.

I think McDougal was kind of hoping Zeus would take them all out with ball lightning ... you know ... as kind of a poetic "you doubt my power" sort of message.

But instead he sent a hurricane named "Mitch," which was kind of a white cracker gay name for a storm, but he killed like 18,000 people ... so that was cool.