Wait, wait ... McDouga'ls a Meaty?

I've been out of the country (Mogadishu -- [again]) and just got back to this.

Let me make sure I understand -- Our old pal McDougal is running for President {AGAIN}? This time under the MEAT party banner?

Isn't the MEAT Party the one whose leader won't even say his name in public?

Isn't that the ticket Walken's running under?

Has there even been confirmation that McDougal has accepted the bid?

Last I heard, he was summering over in the extreme Southern Pacicific -- like down where it doesn't matterif it's the Pacific or the Atlantic. Seriously, has anyone even heard from him in the past three weeks?

And you guys remember what happened last time McDougal ran for President, right?

What? You don't?

You don't remember the barbed wire-laced jeeps in Grant Park?

You don't remember the cracked heads, the tear gas, or the police lines advancing through demonstrators on the nightly news?

You don't remember a man named Hubert Humphrey, who McDougal and his band of social anarchists abducted, raped and sodomized over the course of 16 days in late August and early September of 1968?

Well, let me refresh your memory.

Shortly after McDougal killed Bobby Kennedy and Sirhan Sirhan, the Democratic party was in shambles. And that was just the way McDougal wanted it.

He was living with Abbie Hoffman in Massachussets - though he was a staunch, Anti-Yippie at the time. When Hoffman hitched a ride to Chicago to protest the convention, McDougal tagged along. Hoffman, like most Americans, was unaware that McDougal was running for President. McDougal, who'd been shut out of the primaries in 1968, held a grudge for not being selected -- or really even allowed to participate at all.

Hoffman was up in arms about the war in Vietnam, and was participating in the riots outside of the convention with some SNCC peace activists. McDougal wasn't too interested in peace, as he was making a pretty hefty sum from the CIA for his activities in Cambodia and Laos.

So he branched out on his own. McDougal somehow managed to hook up with Dan Rather during hte convention, and was given press passes -- pretty much giving him free reign over the entire convention center. He was also spotted with members of the Illinois Nazi Party (INP) and Mayor Dailey during his six days in Chicago (August 26-September 1).

While McDougal's political views did not align in the least with those of the Democratic Party of that era, he felt certain that he was a lock for the party's nomination for President that year. He figured with Bobby Kennedy out of the way, he was the clear choice.

McDougal over-estimated the Democratic Party's progressive stance. He'd been misguided -- perhaps by Dailey, or maybe even by Hoffman. So when Abraham Ribicoff delivered a speech nominating George McGovern for President, he sent McDougal over the edge.

He ordered Dailey to subdue the protestors "by any means necessary", which those inside the Dailey administration say started the riots outside of the convention.

When McDougal's name wasn't even included in the Humphrey/McGovern debates, he decided to raise the ante. After the party ultimately nominated Humphrey for their Presidential candidate, McDougal raised the stakes again.

"There can be only one Mc in this campaign," McDougal told a reporter for the New Anarchists Times. "Humphrey's gonna pay for this one."

While McDougal never clearly explained why he believed Humphrey was to blame for the presence of two Mc's in the Democratic party in 1968, poor Hubert suffered the brunt of McDougal's rage, which many people credit for ruining Humphrey's chances in the '68 elections, propelling Richard M. Nixon to the nation's highest ofice, and launching the careers of Hunter S. Thompson and Margaret Thatcher in the process.

I wasn't there during the two-plus weeks in which McDougal and his band of anarchist thugs held Humphrey captive (per my attorney's instructions), but I have from a reliable source, a detailed account of the occurences during that period.

Humphrey was forced to wear a dress and/or Army-issue combat boots for the entire duration of his captivity, during which time he was subjected to ritualistic and intense anal rape in between six-hour sessions in which he was forced to memorize and repeatedly recite the Social Anarchists' creed, which reads:

"We believe strongly in that. We are not going to withdraw from that effort. In my opinion, for us to withdraw from that effort would mean a collapse not only of South Vietnam, but Southeast Asia. So we are going to stay there."

While it is unclear what this passage has to do with Social Anarchy, it was important to McDougal.

So when you tell me, "McDougal's signed on with MEAT", well I just don't know that I buy it.

Can we please get some manner of confirmation from the man himself before we go half-cocked into the political process yet again?

Is America ready for another '68? Is America ready for McDougal as its Commander in Chief?

These are serious questions, and I for one shall not throw my support toward McDougal until I hear from the man himself.