McDougal's Wrath

I'll tell you the maddest I ever saw McDougal. The day he got out of prison, a Tuesday, first thing he does is pick me up from work in a stolen front-end loader. We cruise down the road smokin a leftover prison doobie, when all of a sudden he turns down the Ani DiFranco.

"You been fucking my wife?" he asks, well, not really asks as much as spits through a mouthful of McDonalds Apple Pie, "Rat Jimmy told me that's what you did all the time I was up in Pine Hills."

So I hand him over about $30k (Canadian) and beg for my life.

He whipped the front-end loader over to the side of the road and pulled me out and set me on the guardrail. He had a Prussian dagger in one hand and a pack of Kamel Reds in the other.

"You tell me one thing," he said, "when a whale gives birth," he was pretty much crying at this point and his knuckles were cutting straight through the muscles in my shoulders, "tell me they don't come up out of the water. Tell me they don't come up out of the water."

So I did, and he said ok, and we drove on back to his house, running over three animals and a track team on the way. I was scared, sure, but I'll tell you we both learned a little something that day.