Auto Repair (Part One)

Before he joined the Marines, McDougal took a course in auto/body repair at the local junior college.

He dropped out after two days. When the instructor told him he'd never amount to anything, McDougal stole the guy's car (an old Chevy Nomad), stripped out the engine and did some work on it.

He ended up designing the next generation of rocket technology that to this day is more efficient and powerful than anything Lockheed Martin or McDonnel Douglas have been able to come up with.

He entered the car in a drag race up in Rock Hill and set the world land speed record that still stands to this day.

Later, when the military contacted him about his engine, McDougal said he couldn't tell them how he designed the engine because he'd shredded the plans, pissed on them, and fed them to his auto/body repair instructor's dying mother on her last day on this earth. He then sold the car to the Chinese, and lost all the profits in a craps game at some seedy indian reservation casino in upstate New York.

The Pentagon tried to bring him on as a rocket scientist, but you know McDougal. He ended up going infantry. Near the end of the war in Vietnam, he killed and ate his entire platoon. The Marines still gave him an honorable discharge, and they even gave him a medal.

When they tried to pin it on him, crazy old McDougal took the medal and stuck it in a falcon's eye and set it free. The falcon flew straight up into the air about half a mile. Then he burst into flames and came plummeting back to the award stage. McDougal slowly stepped out of the way just before the bird landed. Ended up killing two generals and a colonel.