The Early Years

When McDougal and I were in Elementary School we went out to the Charing Cross Whorehouse one November afternoon. I was maybe 10, 11 at the most and McDougal was like 23. We rode on griffins, and in those days he was on a real Bob Seger thing so we had to listen to "Greatest Hits 2" at full volume all the way out there.

We pulled in and stabled our griffins, and downed a couple of bottles of week-old Mai Tais. McDougal, goddamned crazy McDougal, busted in the door and yelled for their darkest Arabian chestnut hare. Being a whorehouse they didn't have any rabbits or anything close, which pissed him off even more. So he picks up this one girl and draws a map on her tits showing the Cherokee Trail of Tears, and it was pretty good I might add, showed the current cities and roads overlaid in this kind of faded color so it didn't detract from the original primitive landscape ... you really had to see it to fully appreciate it.

Anyway, he draws this thing out on her tits and then pours the rest of his Mai Tai down her gullet. So she's about drunk as can be and I'm just wanting to get home and watch GI Joe Cartoons, when he ups the ante by bringing in the entire cast of "Stomp". Damned if he doesn't hand every one of them a Bible, pair of Titanium bracelets, and a gatling gun - each one in a different color.

So we're all kind of standing there, not knowing what to say, and crazy ass McDougal clogs up the whorehouse toilet with a big stinking shit and then just walks out and goes home.

And that's the day I became a man.