It's a fact!

Perhaps you have read something on this page and said to yourself, "that can't possibly be true." Well, it probably was, and we are the reason why.

FoMcD employs a large staff of fact checkers, who are constantly on call to answer any questions the writers might have, to review any questionable information before it is published and to help McDougal settle bar bets.

We take our work very seriously and take great pride in maintaining only the strictest level of accuracy in all things.

Actually, in the interest of strict accuracy, I will admit, that we occasionally fudge the details on the rare instances that McDougal stops by the office personally to settle a bet. When he calls in on his cell phone and we have to give him the bad news that, for example, he was mistaken about the number of times the word "fuck" was used in The Big Lebowski, by the time he makes it over here to "rip off (my) dick and fuck (me) in the ear with it" his rage has usually subsided because he forgot why he was coming here. But if he stops by in person... Well, I have no desire to have my earhole fucked, much less with my own penis. So I think these rare lapses in truthfulness can be forgiven.

Here's a fact for you: Yesterday the entire mailroom staff was fired.

Here's another fact: The editorial staff is still in no condition to answer your letters.

So, we have been placed in charge of answering the questions submitted by our readers over the past few weeks. Tomorrow we will be looking for someone to stick with this duty, so you at least have that to look forward to.

Our first question is yet another from the massive assault on our mailroom being perpetrated by one Josh Williams:

Is it true the McDougal campaign eco friendly bio diesel bus has been modified to run on non registered voters?

It is true that McDougal has been actively courting the environmental vote, of that there is no doubt. However, I want you to really think about the question you are asking. Does that make any sense from a political standpoint? Non-registered voters pose no threat to McDougal. In fact they may even be turned to his worldview and properly registered, to his advantage. McDougal's bus runs on a blend of biodiesel brewed from the fats and oils gained from the boiling of the corpses of registered Democrats and Republicans.

Hypersonic writes:

Is it true that Macdougal had a homosexual relationship with Fidel Castro before the start of the Cuban Revolution?

First of all, it is McDougal, not MacDougal. McDougal is of Irish heritage, not of Scottish heritage, as is suggested by the prefix "Mac". This explains all the drinking and fighting.

Although McDougal has demonstrated a penchant for sodomy, he does not consider himself to be a homosexual. The best comparison that can be made for McDougal's opinion on this matter is with the activities of prison inmates. Prisoners regularly engage in anal intercourse, however very few of them view themselves as being gay. This is particularly true of the person making the "delivery", if you will. Doubly so if the recipient is not a willing participant. This activity is undertaken as an act of violence and a means demonstrating their complete power over the victim. It is commonly referred to as "making them your bitch."

With this view in mind, it is crucial to note the timing of the act in question. This did not occur prior to the Cuban Revolution, as you have indicated in your letter. Rather, the act took place several years after. At the time, McDougal was in the employ of the U.S. Central Intelligence Agency. He had been working in Cuba since the early days of the revolution, and had gained the complete trust of the new communist government. Once he had gathered all the information he thought necessary, and had made arrangements for his escape, McDougal felt compelled to locate Castro and demonstrate to him the awesome power of the United States Government.

Fidel Castro was not the lone recipient. McDougal also taught "lessons" to Raul Castro and Che Guevara. It was a lesson they would not soon forget. Particularly Fidel. Raul and Che managed to escape relatively unscathed, but Fidel was left with a virulent case of gonorrhea. Back at CIA headquarters, McDougal's humiliating one-man assault on the Cuban leadership quickly made him a legend. However, because of the nature of his actions, they were always alluded to using euphemisms in those conservative times. It was one of these, which referred to the passage of that particular infection, that somehow escaped the walls of CIA headquarters and is still repeated to this day, with no knowledge of its true meaning. Think about that next time someone tells you that the CIA "tried to kill Castro with a poison cigar."