Saturday, October 07, 2006

McDougal Fast Facts

  • Invented margarine & frozen yogurt.
  • Once slept for 113 hours straight.
  • Has three kidneys (bought one from a Peruvian hustler in 1973 and had it installed by an Amerasian Chiropidist as a back-up. Has only had to use it eleven times, but it paid for itself after a single use.)
  • Lived next to Carl Perkins for three years. The two never spoke, but McDougal once saw him naked.
  • Ghost wrote "Big Fish" and most of Saul Bellow's early stuff.
  • Uses a portable difribulator as an alarm clock and has not overslept in almost two years.
  • Thinks it's funny when people call decaf coffee "unleaded."
  • Doesn't understand why no one's laughing when he makes them drink gasoline.
  • Can hold his breath for over nine minutes.
  • Lost three of his fingers in an ill-advised bar bet.
  • Still has thirteen (not including the ten attached to his hands)
  • Half Cherokee, half ninja
  • Puts the "man" in manual.
  • Puts his pots in the oven for storage
  • Eagerly anticipating Roger Ebert's death
  • Prefers Barnaby Jones to CSI
  • Eats raw onions like apples
  • Smells like oak leaves, cinammon and lavender
  • Prefers cats to dogs
  • Especially with real butter
  • Prefers Muriel Hemingway to Ernest Borgnine
  • Despite his earnest proclamations to the contrary, the man can't yodel to save his life
  • Knows Big Foot personally
  • Knows Farsi
  • Knows Fonzi
  • Has never met Potsie
  • Has never seen Tootsie
  • Born deep in the Rwenzori Mountains more than 11,000 years ago
  • Raised by Buddy Ebsen and Lakshmi.
  • Has the world record high score in Triple Word Yahtzee
  • Speaks Dalmatian
  • Invented the cure for Tick-borne meningoencephalitis
  • Founded the Democratic Forces for the Liberation of Rwanda in 1999
  • Favorite food: Bangers & Mash

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