McDougal Fast Facts

Did you know?

• McDougal conditions his pubic hair with bot bacon grease.
• He sleeps standing up, like a horse.
• Holds nine world records, including longest pinky toe in the history of man.
• Types about 18 words per minute.
• Once choked Jack Kemp to death.
• One of McDougal's legs is twice as long as the other.
• Drilled Justine Bateman in her bait well.
• Drilled Jason Bateman in his bait well.
• Enjoys the salsa, but prefers the rumba.
• Invented "Cool Ranch" flavor.
• Sees the world through flesh-colored lenses.
• Thought the French-Indian war was a war between the French and the Indians.
• Holds a master's degree in Ninjonics from Ninja State University in Taipei.
• Can peer into a man's soul using microwave oven, compact mirror, and six feet of nylon.