Year of the Yak

Several years ago, I was living with McDougal in a grass hut on the outskirts of Kathmandu, Nepal.

We didn't have much money at the time. McDougal was fresh out of prison, and I'd been out of work from the meat plant for close to 34 months.

The series of events that led us to this miserable existence is far too complex to detail here. In summary, however, let's just say:

1. The classification of pork as "the other white meat" is wrong on many levels.
2. Pig farmers have very little sense of humor.
3. Pig farmers are a vengeful lot.
4. There are more of them than you would think.
5. Sometimes it's good just to step back and re-evaulate your life, and the path that you've chosen.
6. All roads ultimately lead to Kathmandu.

Well, McDougal and I didn't exactly "fit in" with the locals. I'm a gruff, balding sausage engineer, and McDougal is a giant bear-like figure with six-foot arms and a glass foot. The villagers thought he was a damn yeti. As such, they kept their distance.

In our days in Kathmandu, we subsisted on a diet of roots, berries, and an hallucinogenic compound McDougal crafted from yak droppings and dried flowers. If not for the makeshift drugs, I don't think we'd have survived that long winter.

Things were looking bad by February, when McDougal came up with an idea that literally saved our lives, lifted us from starvation, and abject poverty, and finally gave us some level of social standing among the locals.

We bought a Rally's Burgers franchise and built in in the center of Kathmandu.

Let me tell you something about the people of Nepal -- they freakin' love Rally's chocolate shakes!

We ran the joint for six months, in which time we made close to $7,000,000 dollars each, then McDougal sold the place for $40 (US) to a Nepalese business man named Artie Shaw.

Six days later, McDougal set the place on fire in a drunken rage. He felt the service had gone down the toilet under new management. Then he ate the entire city before being chased into the mountains by a Chinese army helicopter.

Turns out that crazy ass McDougal actually was a yeti.

Who knew?