A week has gone by, and still no sign of McDougal. Apparently he never attempted to make it to Detroit. The agents from the Department of Homeland Security who were stationed at the Michigan border would have found him if he did. The big man's average body temperature runs at 102.4 degrees Fahrenheit. He would have glowed like a blast furnace on their thermal imagers.

I've enlisted the McDougal for President campaign interns to help me figure out McDougal's whereabouts. I had them start by searching the newspapers for any articles about an increase in Sasquatch sightings in the Seattle area. That didn't pan out, but they did point out a few other articles that, when looked at together, form an interesting pattern:

• Drug rehab centers all over the Midwest are being overwhelmed by a sudden influx of meth addicts. According to police, the methamphetamine supply in several Midwestern states has dried up completely. Law enforcement is taking credit for causing the shortage through aggressive enforcement. I don't believe that for a minute. The shortage is obviously the result of McDougal wandering into several drug markets that aren't used to supporting his level of consumption.
• A military helicopter was stolen from a National Guard unit in central Indiana. There are no leads in the case, but the government does not believe the theft to be the work of terrorists. Several empty bottles of drain cleaner and a tattered size XXXXL Carolina Panthers football jersey were found at the scene.
• Hog farmers in Southern Illinois have reported a rash of animal mutilations on their farms. The pigs have been ripped completely apart, with many parts never recovered. One of the farmers, who asked not to be named, said that he believes it to be the work of extraterrestrials who are being aided by the U.S. government. "I seen one of them CIA helicopters hanging around here," the farmer claimed.
• A distiller in Kansas City, who manufactures alcohol for industrial use, reported that someone drilled a hole in one of their storage tanks and drained the contents. The owner blamed the theft on one of his competitors. "Someone doesn't just walk off with 1200 gallons of alcohol." In the photo accompanying the article it is pretty clear that the hole in the tank was not drilled, it was ripped into the tank. We sent the photo to our lab for comparison with McDougal's dental records. They were a nearly perfect match.

If you experience a McDougal sighting please report it to this webpage immediately. Do not attempt to approach McDougal under any circumstances. He is to be considered insane and dangerous. He seems to be following a Westerly course. If you are in the path of McDougal please board up your windows and lock your doors. He is attracted to light and cooking smells, so keep your shades drawn and eat only cold foods.