Smooth Criminal

Although Neil Armstrong is generally credited as being the first man to set foot on the moon, upon their first moonwalk the Apollo 11 astronauts were astounded to find the words "MCDOUGAL WAS HERE" scratched into the vertical wall of a crater a few yards from their landing site. Subsequent moonwalks revealed dozens of such messages scattered widely across the lunar surface. All were variations of that same theme, including, but not limited to, "MCDOUGAL RULES", "MCDOUGAL 4 PREZIDENT" and "SMOKE DRUGS!"

NASA spent millions covering up this discovery, even going so far as to film some of the "moonwalk" segments in the Arizona desert, which is relatively free of McDougal graffiti. The carvings measure approximately two feet high and 3/4 of an inch deep. The longest of them, which reads "MCDOUGAL FUCKED YOUR MOTHER", is nearly 32 feet in length. Scientific analysis was unable to determine the age of the carvings, however, after painstaking study of the toolmarks within the carvings, NASA believes they were hewn into the rock using a fireplace poker or some similar item.