Doin' The Dew

McDougal called and left the following message on my work voicemail today. I think they monitor that shit.

Garbled Sounds

McDougal: (Screaming) IT'S MY FUCKING RELIGION, TOAD!

Muffled response in the background.

McDougal: Then you shop the way you want, and I'll shop the way I want. What's the big fuckin' deal?

Someone in distance: I've already called security.

McDougal: How the hell else am I supposed to know?

Store Security: Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to put that away.

McDougal: I'm free to worship as I see fit. Or is this not America anymore?

Store Security: The police have already been called sir. Now, may I ask you to put that away and zip your pants.

McDougal: It's just some fucking yogurt, man.

Store Security: Until you violated it, sir. Now come down off of there.

McDougal: I use it for medicinal purposes.

Store Security: Come again?

McDougal: For my religion.

Store Security: The police are coming.

McDougal: Medicinal Methamphetamines.

Store Security: Sir, your penis.

McDougal: Jesus Lord, I LOVE MOUNTAIN DEW!

Unintelligible grunt.

Store Security: Oh God, no.

Hard to follow ... maybe a car backfiring ... gun shots ... screams ... explosion ... elephant sounds ... vacuum cleaner?? ... fax modem sounds ... a bear???