The Huxtables

The one thing McDougal really hates is Pi. I don't mean Pi to the 10th or 11th decimal, I mean Pifuckin' Pi, like out to the 80th or 90th place.

So one day we're riding the train into Tegucigalpa and I'm raking in about $60K in whatever the fuck they use for money in Tegucigalpa, maybe chickens or rocks. McDougal is playing the part of out-of-town rube, and I'm pretending to be a tungsten miner from outside Comayagua.

I don't speak a word of Honduran and the game was not going well, but in typical style The D plays it off by standing up and announcing, "cortamos las tarjetas, el hombre con la tarjeta más grande me soplaremos" which brings down the house. Two of the guys are spitting mad, and it's all the train conductor can do to hold them back. A few other guys and this one naked chick are kind of into the offer though, and so they put down their ante.

Next thing you know, we're doing coke and eating clams with Ahmad Rashad and the Jacksonville Jaguars.

Now just stay with me, this is where Pi comes into play.

So we're all splayed out in the pool, and McDougal has this huge chicken breast on a stick. Natrone Means (#30) swims up and splashes McDougal, getting both the chicken and his big pile of coke all wet. The Big Man just kind of coughs out a laugh, and drinks the poolwater-cocaine slush off his belly as fast as he can. This was bad luck for the Jaguars because of two reasons:

1. cocaine and chlorine do the following in your brain:

N2(g) + 3H2(g) ↔ 2NH3(g) + ΔH


and

2. McDougal, in this instance, was forced as he twisted diagonally on his raft into the pool to guesstimate the circumference of the arc of his chicken breast on a stick as it flew in the opposite direction.

So in this 3 second span of time - I want you to try to imagine this - you can see McDougal's face run from bliss (chicken/coke) to surprise (Jaguar/splash) to fear (cokechicken/fall/pool) to sorrow (cokepool) to dawning realization (chicken/arc) to incredulosity (arc/math) to wrath (Pi) to murder (Natrone) and back again to bliss (eating/Natrone).

Rashad and I were laughing to beat the band at this split second display, just laughing til tears poured down our cheeks. And that's why to this day crazy ass McDougal will smash any TV that is playing the Cosby Show, or that show with Theo Huxtable with dreadlocks.