True Story ... (3)

As we speak, McDougal is passed out in a kiddie pool filled with melted ice and tepid Miller High Lifes. We've been in Sarasota for three days, looking for Lou Diamond Phillips and some Ukrainian dancer owes McDougal some money.

He just drank a four-pack of fuzzy navel wine coolers, shit his pants and fell into the tub.

I'm going home.