Meeting Mr. McDougal

Ray: Did anyone see McDougal last night? He had a blonde on one arm, the state of Missouri on his cock, and he was yelling at cars something about tit-fucking Paris Hilton with a ship mast. Goddamned crazy McDougal.

Frank: I saw him. After he ditched the blonde, fucking McDougal erected a life-sized statue of Tony Blair out of pats of butter. Then he ate the whole damn thing with a loaf of white bread. Goddamned crazy McDougal.

Ray: that was him? I'll be damned. I thought for sure that couldn't be McDougal, because I saw him 30 minutes earlier eating most of the population of Ontario while listening to an old cassette tape of Jesus Christ Superstar. I didn't think there was any way in hell after all that he could eat the butter Tony, but God Damn that man.

Frank: You saw that, too?

Well you must not have heard about what he did at the office before he left.

Randy and Ted from Accounting were grabassing outside of Melba's cube, and fucking McDougal walks right up to Randy and sucker punches him in the sphincter. His fist went clean through him and came out the other side grasping Randy's abdomen and an unopened pack of chicklets.

He then gives the Chicklets to Melba, but doesn't say a word to her.

He just looks over at Ted, and says, "Unless you want a fistful of hymen and a boot full of lead, I'd hit the road, nippledick."

Of course Ted high-tails it out of there right then.

Then McDougal leans in to Melba and kisses her on the neck.

Of course, she melts like that Tony Blair statue on a hot day in Trafalgar Square.

So he just bends her over the desk and takes her from the rear.

The whole thing took about 8 seconds.

It was the most magical 8 seconds I've ever had the privelege to witness.