VooDougal 2006 (Part II)

The campaign staff is making so much progress here in Haiti! I'm very proud of them. They are mastering election rigging and their marksmanship has improved greatly. Yesterday we went down into one of the slums in Port au Prince and practiced the fine art of starting a riot. Some of the interns have even taken up voodoo. Right now they are working on a curse that will kill the political careers of McDougal's competitors. I'm thinking of letting them test it out on Barack Obama.

We haven't seen much of McDougal since we've been down here. Turns out he owns a large sugar plantation here. He had completely forgotten about it until I mentioned Haiti last week, so he was eager to get down here and have a look. Since the campaign is low on funds right now, McDougal generously offered to let us stay in the workers quarters at his plantation. These are concrete block shacks (see photo) without electricity or running water. Each shack ordinarily houses fifteen workers, so with the campaign staff added to the mix, space is a little tight.

After observing production at the plantation for a few hours, I complimented McDougal on how hardworking, obedient and silent his workforce is. Most of Haiti is a noisy, chaotic place, but McDougal's plantation is silent as a tomb. There is no complaining or backtalk. McDougal told me that is because all of his employees are zombies. I was certain he was joking, but the big man just fixed on me with a steely gaze and my laughter quickly faded. Later, when McDougal was gone, I went to talk with the foreman. For the first time, I noticed that he seemed terrified of the workers he was supposed to be in charge of. He told me that when McDougal first started the plantation, he spent several years scouring the backwaters of Haiti for the zombies that would become his workforce. Mindless and soulless, they would do whatever they were told. At the end of the day, if the foreman didn't tell them to stop working, they would hack with their machetes until every plant and tree on McDougal's property was gone. Then they would turn on each other.

Once harvested, McDougal's sugar cane is loaded onto ox carts. It is then taken to a distillery in town, which McDougal also owns, where it is brewed into a particularly potent variety of rum. Before the rum is sealed in oak casks to age, a hougan (voodoo priest) adds a secret ingredient to each batch. He says that this will give anyone who drinks the rum the power to communicate with the spirits. Or something like that. My Creole isn't that great.