Flight Log (Flying with McDougal: Part II)

Live notes on traveling with the big guy ...

11:30 AM (EST)
I think McDougal just picked up Senator Gephardt's endorsement for President. There was a brief conversation, followed by shouting and a very minor physical altercation, which ended civil enough and involved the Senator handing McDougal the piece of paper below:

“Thanks for all your help, McDougal. Good luck in '08. (Something illegibly scrawled on the bottom – likely "fuck off")

(Meant to scan this, but technology not available.)

12:45 PM (EDT)

We're sitting in the taxi way of the airport. Flight is running very late.

McDougal keeps loudly saying to me, “Goddamn, Frank. There's plenty of chinks on this flight, huh?”

I asked him to please not say that again and he choked me for a minute.

He still has issues with his treatment during the Battan death march. (Historical records indicate McDougal was serving in the motor pool in Ft. Meade, Maryland, at the time of the march, but the old guy swears he was there. Anyway, he hates Asians.)

So the Japanese guy's sitting across from us and McDougal keeps looking over at him. He's reading a book in Japanese. McDougal's either fascinated or infuriated by this. Hard to tell. We're both shithouse drunk.

1:05 PM (EDT)

We're finally airborne.

Good news on this flight – a 757 with three-wide rows of seats. There's an empty seat in our row, but McDougal still insisted on sitting in the seat right next to me and sandwiching me into the window.

He keeps pointing at things outside he wants me to look at. Then, when I turn to look, he jams my face into the window. This makes him laugh loudly. Several people have moved to other seats away from us.

Second brush with fame of the day – the crew on this flight consists of George Taikei and the Oakridge Boys in skirts.

1:40 PM (EDT)
McDougal finally said something to the Japanese guy across from us. McDougal is usually pretty well spoken, so it didn't surprise him when he leaned over to the guy and yelled in his face, “Ching Chong Chinaman!”

He's done this three times in the past five minutes or so.

2:00 PM (EDT)

McDougal says his ass is asleep and he's doing windsprints up and down the aisle. (He always wears a parachute when he flies. George Taikei initially asked McDougal to check it. McDougal broke his own thumb, which somehow convinced George Taikei that he should be allowed to keep the parachute (and helmet, which McDougal has not taken off all day).

2:20 PM EDT

I just re-set my watch to Pacific time, which has infuriated McDougal. He says he's never heard of such a thing, and is now yelling at other passengers, asking them what time it is. He does not like that he has received three or four different answers (Eastern, Central, and West Coast times, plus someone just made some numbers up and told him.)

McDougal is now convinced that we're in a time machine, and he's crying about 1984 and his virginity. Oh, wait. 1484.

No.

Now he says just '84. Delete that floating comman thing, he says. Apostrophe. He doesn't want me to type the word apostrophe. His fist is the size of a canteloupe and he just punched me in the ear.

2:35 PM EDT

McDougal just yelled that “ching chong chinaman” thing at the Japanese guy across the aisle again.

The Chinaman, err, I mean Japanese guy just did some kind of karate chop thing on McDougal's throat.

McDougal's awake, but not moving. Weird.

Oh. He's paralyzed.

Thank God. I can finally get out to take a leak.