tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-143267102011-06-07T23:21:11.437-07:00Friends of McDougalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05938535950200970545noreply@blogger.comBlogger2621100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14326710.post-72972072533752891502007-07-25T19:36:00.000-07:002007-07-28T12:57:02.535-07:00

From the Desk of the Campaign Manager4/10/2007To: All Campaign StaffEffective immediately, we will be initiating Contingency Plan 19. This is not a drill. It has become apparent that we have no hope of proceeding with a conventional campaign. All Class A employees report to campaign headquarters for further instructions. All Class B employees report to assigned stations in designated "

Friends of McDougalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05938535950200970545noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14326710.post-90923207622683285302007-07-19T06:08:00.000-07:002007-07-19T06:11:28.680-07:00

I'm currently holding on to a section of 2" nylon braid marine-grade rope outside the 35th floor of the Shreepati Arcade building on Grant Road in Mumbai, India. I'm travelling under a Moscow diplomatic passport on this trip and speaking only Russian, or French with a very bad Russian accent. My grey super-250 suit is from Sammy Kotwani of New York.And tucked in the inside pocket of that suit

Friends of McDougalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05938535950200970545noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14326710.post-24743664407695911842007-06-07T17:22:00.000-07:002007-06-07T19:02:04.156-07:00

Fifty-four days ago...McDougal and I are out raccoon hunting. I have no idea why. He says it will be good practice for the next six months. He's been saying things like this since we started this road trip a few days ago. By his body language, he seems to be indicating that these statements are fraught with meaning, but it all just sounds like Nostradamus-like open-ended prophesy to me.We are

Friends of McDougalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05938535950200970545noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14326710.post-61405155693053077332007-05-22T05:34:00.001-07:002007-05-22T07:45:52.417-07:00

People always ask me "McDougal, how are you? What are you doing?"Pompous assholes. None of your Goddamned business.Here's what you need to know:I've been teaching myself a little karate ... mostly roundhouse kicks and the like.My daily cash withdrawal limit from Erstwhile Bank of Maryland is one million dollars.My favorite band is Smanch.Smanch is also my favorite chocolate beverage.My two least

McDougal Himselfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14468049786558761972noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14326710.post-74256105135191369632007-05-18T05:51:00.001-07:002007-05-20T07:59:09.762-07:00

We used to spend a lot of time down in Panama City Beach - me and the McDougals. The McDougal clan loved Panama City - the sand, the surf, the drunken barely legal Alabamian hair stylists. The McDougals would grab a few every quarter when we went down there.That was in the heady pre-Internet days of the early 90s - back when a man actually had to break a sweat to make a living in the sex

Friends of McDougalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05938535950200970545noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14326710.post-3284628721290131482007-05-17T14:42:00.000-07:002007-05-17T14:56:42.537-07:00

And then there was that policewoman in Macon, Georgia... Man, she was beautiful. Her hair shined like copper. McDougal fell in love with her immediately. Of course, it would never have worked out. And anyway, she was only interested in McDougal for his traffic violations. He showed up drunk at the jewelry store late one night, with the diamond from his grandmother's wedding ring and a hollowpoint

Friends of McDougalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05938535950200970545noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14326710.post-90900391932728195212007-05-14T11:48:00.000-07:002007-05-14T11:52:56.580-07:00

This post may be my last. I've lost too much blood. McDougal has composed a joke and cannot log in here directly. When I assured him I didn't know his password, he punched me six times in the face with a tire iron and maybe three more with a brick. I'm having one of those days where I wish I were Reginald Denny. McDougal says:I have a pet spider monkey that I got for $20 from a homeless guy.

Friends of McDougalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05938535950200970545noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14326710.post-84115722422741759372007-05-11T17:23:00.000-07:002007-05-12T03:17:15.436-07:00

Fifteen days ago...Our car blasts down the winding desert highway, a mesa rising 650 feet straight up from the left shoulder and on the right, a canyon dropping away 100 feet to a nearly dry riverbed. This leaves precious little room for error, and McDougal is using every bit of it. The big man is steering the car with his knees. He has the cruise control locked in at 85. His right hand is busy

Friends of McDougalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05938535950200970545noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14326710.post-62938086256920012472007-05-02T10:28:00.000-07:002007-05-02T11:52:52.846-07:00

The city of Hialeah, Fl., is cold this time of year. Cold like McDougal's black soul. The Presidential campaign is in ruins after the big man ate the mayor of Coldwater. We've holed up here high in the Florida mountains and McDougal has slipped into a coma. His closest confidants are calling it hibernation. They say he does this once or twice per century. I've never seen anything like it.

Friends of McDougalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05938535950200970545noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14326710.post-9297183647349563552007-03-15T17:36:00.000-07:002007-03-15T18:38:38.527-07:00

Hello from the Writers Room!We have been informed by the Legal Department that we have to do one more Behind the Scenes Week post. The original week contained six days of posts, which we thought was plenty. But the douchebag lawyers are mad because we made them do one of the days. They threatened to contact our union about it, because apparently that is some sort of violation to have non-union

Friends of McDougalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05938535950200970545noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14326710.post-91888931522380256982007-03-12T17:40:00.000-07:002007-03-12T18:01:48.857-07:00

Brother McDougal called me in a fever and recited the following 37 reasons why he hates poets:1. Chompers. Poets can't be doctors.2. Poets can't even pay their water bills or submit their own shit to get published ...Well, the really hungry and really bad can.3. Poets generally can't get out of bed before noon and seldom keep appointments.4. If two roads diverged in a yellow wood and you beat a

Friends of McDougalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05938535950200970545noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14326710.post-84739373701610987562007-03-07T11:44:00.000-08:002007-03-07T11:56:14.752-08:00

"I'm bleeding," she said."That's because McDougal just punched you in the mouth," I said. I didn't tell her I was sorry. I wasn't the one who punched her in the mouth. I don't suppose I really had any reason to be sorry. Other than that I was sorry for her ... for her existence ... for what she had already and was about to endure."That wasn't a punch."No. No it wasn't a "punch." He kind of just

Friends of McDougalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05938535950200970545noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14326710.post-54243464189831850952007-03-05T12:21:00.000-08:002007-03-05T19:25:16.276-08:00

Just once I'd like to leave Vegas like everyone else does... In a car, or in a plane, hung over, maybe with a small to medium sized regret... something like gambling away the company's money from the Hiller account, or maybe cheating on my wife with a prostitute. If, right now, you are thinking that those seem like pretty big things to be regretting... Well then, a weekend in Las Vegas with

Friends of McDougalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05938535950200970545noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14326710.post-29897910032512081002007-03-01T14:54:00.000-08:002007-03-12T18:08:02.861-07:00

When we got into the elevator to go up to McDougal's suite on the top floor of the Bellagio, the car's cables groaned excessively. I hate riding on elevators with the big man, since he always flirts with the weight limit all on his own. Another would-be passenger was waiting nearby, and I tried to discreetly wave him off, but he apparently didn't see, because he squeezed into the elevator with

Friends of McDougalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05938535950200970545noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14326710.post-84618419137429392512007-02-26T12:16:00.000-08:002007-02-26T12:18:14.991-08:00

"Is he feeding Bananarama?!" McDougal yelled, frightening the server under our table and knocking a ramekin of syrup to the floor.There are many offenses McDougal classifies as punishable by death. I didn't think feeding bananarama was one of them, but I decided I wasn't going to stick around to find out. I grabbed one of the unspilled ramekins and threw it at the man's family. This caused a

Friends of McDougalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05938535950200970545noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14326710.post-51717697927241426162007-02-25T09:16:00.000-08:002007-02-25T09:18:20.189-08:00

Flexerol, flexeril, flexerel, flexiril, flaxiril, floxerel, unfluxuatoral, flaxseed oil, flexerel, flexeril, flexerol, Flox, flumox, flexerel, flexiril, Flexerol, flexeril, flexerel, flexiril, flaxiril, floxerel, unfluxuatoral, flaxseed oil, flexerel, flexeril, flexerol, Flox, flumox, flexerel, flexiril, flumox, flexerel, flexiril, Flexerol, flexeril, flexerel, Flexerol, flexeril, flexerel,

McDougal Himselfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14468049786558761972noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14326710.post-87198068669185232242007-02-25T08:59:00.000-08:002007-02-26T12:18:40.242-08:00

I pull the lichen off my sack and throw it at the blonde one in Bananarama, and she quickly eats it. McDougal never lets the Bananarama girls eat on these kinds of trips and I feel bad, I usually hide fries and stuff in my pockets and sneak them when McD is asleep. She kind of grunts at me in appreciation."Okay Max, stop this car and let's find some drugs," he yells, even though the car is

Friends of McDougalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05938535950200970545noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14326710.post-31337203628720322092007-02-23T08:25:00.000-08:002007-02-26T12:18:58.243-08:00

I woke to find a mouth ful of Flexerol. Or Flexerel. Flexiril? The one where in the commercial the woman is throwing a dying mouse to her cat and Still the Same is playing behind the medical warnings: you could lose your genitals, don't take with Prohaxenol, you may have reflux, don't run faster than a fast walk, you could die.I look over and see McDougal is asleep at the wheel. Well, at the

Friends of McDougalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05938535950200970545noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14326710.post-74711286967409068332007-02-22T05:04:00.000-08:002007-02-26T12:19:23.537-08:00

McDougal stole a boat. Not like a yacht or anything. Just some stupid-assed row boat or john boat or canoe or something.Thing is, there's no goddamn water here.Nights I can't sleep because I never know when I'm gonna open my eyes to see the big man standing at the foot of my bed with a molotov cocktail and a disemboweled otter or something.He wants to raft the Tennessee Tombigbee, raping and

Friends of McDougalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05938535950200970545noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14326710.post-60350799110590073312007-02-17T06:58:00.000-08:002007-02-20T14:51:58.793-08:00

Treatise on the RetardedA position paper for the McDougal for President CampaignBy Xavier Alonzo Mercado McDougal IVI've killed a man.That is not to say, "In my lifetime, I have killed someone." As a veteran soldier, freedom fighter, and lifelong meth addict, I've killed scores of men.I mean that as in, there is a bleeding corpse at my feet as I type this treatise.In my lifetime, there have been

The Hanged Mannoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14326710.post-74995242120814096412007-02-15T16:18:00.000-08:002007-02-16T13:12:46.163-08:00

Lakehurst, Florida - An explosion at a political fundraising barbecue has caused the death of seventeen endangered manatees in a Florida wildlife sanctuary. The cause of the blast is still under investigation, but initial reports indicate that strong winds caused a large inflatable gorilla to topple over, striking several grills. Sources close to the campaign indicated that the cash-strapped

Friends of McDougalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05938535950200970545noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14326710.post-1171414723699251552007-02-13T15:34:00.000-08:002007-02-16T13:54:05.083-08:00

My new management philosophy (don't try to direct McDougal's behavior, only try to control the damage) had done wonders for my health, however I'm afraid it has caused the campaign to slow to a crawl. The big man is easily distracted and it his hard to keep his momentum up. I thought the unveiling of our new Iraq strategy would be the shot in the arm that the campaign needed, but the Liberal

Vote McDougalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15145527964203959685noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14326710.post-1170523284894644692007-02-03T08:58:00.000-08:002007-02-16T07:45:57.760-08:00

As promised, the Friends of McDougal Behind the Scenes week is being capped off with a Special Announcement! In a few weeks we will be giving one lucky reader the chance to...WIN AN INTERNSHIP WITH MCDOUGAL!The winner will be appointed to an unpaid internship with the McDougal Presidential Campaign! They will do valuable work for the campaign, shaking hands, kissing babies and bribing local

Friends of McDougalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05938535950200970545noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14326710.post-1170456249315082492007-02-02T13:45:00.000-08:002007-02-16T07:47:37.953-08:00

After a week of intense searching, we here at the legal department have been unable to locate a loophole that will allow us to avoid participating in this Behind the Scenes Week. It appears that we are contractually obligated to contribute one day's worth of content, including, but not limited to, the answering of questions from readers. That said, after careful reading of the Behind the Scenes

Friends of McDougalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05938535950200970545noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14326710.post-1170379976344854022007-02-01T17:07:00.000-08:002007-02-20T17:20:50.813-08:00

Greetings from FoMcDCorp's Finance Sector. Our job is to manage the millions of dollars that roll through the McDougal empire on a daily basis. Things like campaign donations, revenue from selling clothing and trinkets on Cafepress, gambling winnings and earnings from various black market enterprises. These funds are then dispersed into Swiss accounts, Cayman Islands holding companies and low

Friends of McDougalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05938535950200970545noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14326710.post-1170298109367311752007-01-31T18:15:00.000-08:002007-02-16T15:20:38.752-08:00

Perhaps you have read something on this page and said to yourself, "that can't possibly be true." Well, it probably was, and we are the reason why.FoMcD employs a large staff of fact checkers, who are constantly on call to answer any questions the writers might have, to review any questionable information before it is published and to help McDougal settle bar bets.We take our work very seriously

Friends of McDougalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05938535950200970545noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14326710.post-1170204902742056362007-01-30T15:59:00.000-08:002007-02-16T13:35:09.764-08:00

A few weeks ago the writers of this blog asked you, the readers, to submit questions that would be answered in this, our first ever Behind the Scenes Week. Since then we have received, literally, several questions, most of which have little or nothing to do with what goes on in the daily operations of the McDougal empire.Since we here in the mailroom have nothing better to do besides thumb

Friends of McDougalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05938535950200970545noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14326710.post-1170122125954927402007-01-29T17:02:00.000-08:002007-02-16T07:53:30.631-08:00

Greetings faithful readers, and welcome to the first ever Freinds of McDougal Behind the Scenes Week!Sorry it's a bit late, first of all. We had every intention of starting Behind the Scenes Week yestereday morining, but in hindsight this was an unrealistic goal. Sunday mornings are reservered for hangovers. Everybody knows that. The revised goal of Sunday afternoon was also unrealistic, as

Friends of McDougalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05938535950200970545noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14326710.post-1169766270948100732007-01-25T14:18:00.000-08:002007-02-16T07:55:02.458-08:00

It has been a rough couple of weeks in the McDougal campaign, but things are finally starting to look a bit better. I think this month we have finally disproved the old adage that all press is good press. I don't think any Presidential candidate has ever gone from completely ignored to universally reviled as quickly as McDougal did with his Elvis's birthday speech. I find it more than a bit

Vote McDougalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15145527964203959685noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14326710.post-1169006736241678752007-01-16T20:00:00.000-08:002007-02-16T07:56:00.093-08:00

How to eat glassFind a large piece of glass (e.g. Grape Nehi Bottle, glass eye from a gypsy, or a windshield off an '83 Buick Elektra)Open your fucking mouth.Insert glass object or bite down on larger piece (if primary glass piece is too large to be eaten in one bite).Chew.Chase with delicious beverage of your choice.Use 100% cotton shop rags or terry cloth in lieu of toilet paper for 4 to 7 days.

Friends of McDougalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05938535950200970545noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14326710.post-1168315180867402022007-01-08T18:48:00.000-08:002007-02-16T07:57:05.487-08:00

After 16 days at sea we finally washed ashore in Florida. The Coast Guard was extremely confused to encounter a rickety boat filled with white people, American citizens no less, so they detained us for a week before deciding that there was nothing they could charge us with. When I got back home, all I wanted was a long shower, a shave and several days sleep in my nice comfortable bed. Instead, I

Friends of McDougalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05938535950200970545noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14326710.post-1167850157528603712007-01-03T10:48:00.000-08:002007-06-07T17:20:45.574-07:00

"I wish unicorns were fake and panda bears were real."

Friends of McDougalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05938535950200970545noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14326710.post-1167415587587286432006-12-29T09:28:00.000-08:002007-02-16T13:32:11.071-08:00

I've been holed up at the Salt Lake City compound since some time before Christmas. No one has seen or heard from McDougal since he left Haiti, but I received a fairly complex and detailed set of instructions wrapped around a cinder block and hurled through the window of my 1982 Chevy conversion van on I-40, just west of Little Rock some days ago.The message was written in blood (ox or maybe

Friends of McDougalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05938535950200970545noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14326710.post-1167354739069933462006-12-28T16:53:00.000-08:002007-02-16T08:01:06.398-08:00

*RING**RING*Mmmnnt... Hello?Hey Jimbo! It's McDougal!It's three in the morning. And it's Dave, not Jim... bo.Listen Jimbo, do you have a Roto-Tiller?A Roto-Tiller?Yeah, I need to borrow your Roto-Tiller. It's important.What for?I just want to borrow it. I'm gonna borrow the crap out of it!Yeah, see... That's the kind of statement that makes me not want to loan you anything. Ever.So... You're not

Friends of McDougalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05938535950200970545noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14326710.post-1166579779254680132006-12-19T17:10:00.000-08:002007-02-16T08:02:13.217-08:00

Ok, listen up.Big things are afoot here at Friends of McDougal, but we need your help. To fully unlock the awesome potential of McDougal we are going to need a little audience participation. A lot of you say you are Friends of McDougal, but do you really mean it? Are you prepared to let McDougal into your home and/or workplace? Are you willing to help McDougal score some meth? Will you let him

Friends of McDougalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05938535950200970545noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14326710.post-1166208017004931102006-12-15T10:10:00.000-08:002007-02-16T08:03:39.280-08:00

McDougal is gone.He left us here.In Haiti.Still, I can't really fault him for it. He saw a business opportunity and he took it. He found a buyer for the rum in Guatemala, so he loaded up the plane and left. When the money-lust hits him, everything else (like personal hygiene or his Presidential campaign) just becomes insignificant details.I found this out from the customs officials at the airport

Vote McDougalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15145527964203959685noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14326710.post-1166138514178267812006-12-14T15:16:00.000-08:002007-02-16T08:04:38.513-08:00

In retrospect, attempting to overthrow the Haitian government was a bad idea. Those UN peacekeepers are surprisingly good shots. I take back all those bad things I said about the Sri Lankan military.I spent all day stitching zombies back together.On the plus side, the campaign staff beat a very organized and tactically sound retreat when things started to head south. I like their instincts.Still

Vote McDougalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15145527964203959685noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14326710.post-1165979753933420122006-12-12T19:00:00.000-08:002007-02-16T08:05:28.408-08:00

We haven't seen McDougal in several days. I have completed the retraining of the campaign staff. I can't think of anything else we need to accomplish here in Haiti, but we are unable to leave without McDougal. In the meantime, I've been trying to find busy work for the staff. Helping the zombies cut sugarcane and such. I've been telling them it helps them learn humility, but I'm pretty sure they

Vote McDougalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15145527964203959685noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14326710.post-1165607800891255012006-12-08T11:22:00.000-08:002007-02-16T08:06:15.320-08:00

The campaign staff is making so much progress here in Haiti! I'm very proud of them. They are mastering election rigging and their marksmanship has improved greatly. Yesterday we went down into one of the slums in Port au Prince and practiced the fine art of starting a riot. Some of the interns have even taken up voodoo. Right now they are working on a curse that will kill the political careers

Vote McDougalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15145527964203959685noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14326710.post-1165291613527150822006-12-04T19:38:00.000-08:002007-02-16T08:08:13.563-08:00

I told McDougal to take it easy, kick back, enjoy his annual Thanksgiving trip to Tijuana, get lost in a haze of underage hookers, tequila and mescaline... Not to worry about the new direction the campaign would be taking. I told him I have it all under control. But when he heard what I had planned for the week, well he just had to get involved. It's election time in Haiti. Anyone who wants to

Vote McDougalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15145527964203959685noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14326710.post-1164512315531629492006-11-25T19:01:00.000-08:002007-02-16T08:11:01.803-08:00

In the Depression Era 30s, McDougal did a stint as a sideshow performer. He didn't need the money, but as a Communist in those days McDougal felt it would be a great gesture to the Proletariat.Yes, McDougal is a freak of nature ... but McDougal's freakish elements are not the kind men normally pay to see (can eat metals, can hold his breath for over nine minutes, has been alive for somewhere

Friends of McDougalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05938535950200970545noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14326710.post-1163913614148270562006-11-18T20:51:00.000-08:002007-02-16T08:12:54.735-08:00

McDougal's favorite day of the week is Wednesday, because on Wednesdays McDougal does not cast a shadow.McDougal's favorite color is Myopia.McDougals Chinese zodiac sign is "The Narwhal."McDougal's New Year's resolution was to not make any New Year's resolutions. The act of making this resolution caused the resolution to instantaneously break itself, creating a small tear in the space-time

Friends of McDougalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05938535950200970545noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14326710.post-1163814840104530612006-11-17T17:31:00.000-08:002007-02-16T08:15:47.252-08:00

I've awakened just moments ago. A low rumbling in deep in my abdomen. I've eaten things I shouldn't have. Car parts. Gears and switch plates and the like. I've made poor gastronomical decisions to impress erudite young men and nubile co-eds from these swank Northeast colleges of liberal arts and loose moral fiber.That's money country up there. It grows, not on trees, but in damp Cape Cod cellars

The Hanged Mannoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14326710.post-1163648826035741542006-11-15T18:57:00.000-08:002007-02-16T08:17:25.879-08:00

So one night, about twelve years ago, this was, I'm out cruising on my motorcycle ('65 Harley Panhead. The guy who sold it to me said it used to belong to Sonny Barger, but I kind of doubt it)... I had just left the bar and was enjoying the cool night air, when I start to get the craving for a taco. Everybody knows tacos are the perfect late night snack. Don't trust anyone who says otherwise.

Friends of McDougalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05938535950200970545noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14326710.post-1163290123146296932006-11-11T15:55:00.000-08:002007-02-16T13:32:46.396-08:00

"Hey, I wonder if that's a vagina~`" McDougal says.I follow his gaze and look out the window as we approach LAX. "I think that's the Pacific Ocean.""No. Before that," McDougal says."The wing?""On my seatback."McDougal's messing with the airsick bag."In your hands?" I ask him."No. No. Of course not. Hymen?""Are you asking or telling?""I'm hardly sure anymore," McDougal says.I agree."We've left

Friends of McDougalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05938535950200970545noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14326710.post-1162961294815676682006-11-07T20:25:00.000-08:002007-03-12T17:57:17.237-07:00

CAMPAIGN MANAGER'S JOURNAL 11/07/2006I spent the evening with McDougal at Diebold Master Control, making subtle changes to the election results. This midterm elections is critical to our plan to make McDougal the next President of the United States. We wanted to make sure that Democrats took control of the House at the very least, and the Senate too if possible. Not that McDougal is a big fan of

Vote McDougalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15145527964203959685noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14326710.post-1162873615678462592006-11-06T19:57:00.000-08:002007-02-16T08:21:17.577-08:00

CAMPAIGN MANAGER'S JOURNALI'm back, and better than ever, I might add. Before I was fired from McDougal's campaign I worried constantly. The stress nearly destroyed me. My health suffered. My mind suffered. My soul suffered.No need to worry about that anymore though.Let me tell you a story.The night McDougal finally found me hiding in the overhead luggage bin and kicked me off the bus, the

Vote McDougalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15145527964203959685noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14326710.post-1162657415028217332006-11-04T08:07:00.000-08:002007-02-16T13:02:15.639-08:00

McDougal has 372 college degrees, including 35 Doctorates and 59 Honorary Degrees. But the degree that he is most proud of, the one that hangs above McDougal's mantle, is his Associates Degree in Slot Machine repair from Route Six Community College.

Friends of McDougalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05938535950200970545noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14326710.post-1162536666006450572006-11-02T22:49:00.000-08:002007-02-16T08:23:07.573-08:00

Actually it's not one Shit-zu but a Team of Shit-zu's that pull him around on a sled even when there's no snow.I've seen him careening into the Young Ave. St. Deli on his Shit-sled swinging swords and maces and murdering maniacally but righteously like the guy in "Gladiator". Then when the room is moaning and soaking in broken Bud bottles and sluggish pieces of bodies he releases the reins on the

Friends of McDougalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05938535950200970545noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14326710.post-1162528011875797862006-11-02T19:56:00.000-08:002007-02-16T08:24:45.777-08:00

Copyright 1983, Starbox PressMcDougal angled the starship down toward the surface of the alien planet, firing off several bursts from the laser cannons. His newly formed army sat quietly below him, in the ship's cargo hold. McDougal chuckled to himself, thinking about how surprised the Alien Overlords would be when they encountered these tiny humans they had so carefully bred to be docile and

Friends of McDougalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05938535950200970545noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14326710.post-1162345627116488402006-10-31T16:50:00.000-08:002007-02-16T08:25:50.647-08:00

The campaign is in complete disorder. Now lacking in any management whatsoever, we continue to sit on the broken down bus at this rest stop in Minnesota. There must be money to fix the bus in the campaign fund, but no one outside of McDougal himself and his former campaign manager know how to access those funds. At this point, the staff just wanders around aimlessly, trying to occupy the time.

Friends of McDougalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05938535950200970545noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14326710.post-1161981753095805502006-10-27T13:40:00.000-07:002007-02-16T08:26:23.600-08:00

Costumes Have Just Arrived

Friends of McDougalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05938535950200970545noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14326710.post-1161794095427551462006-10-25T09:30:00.000-07:002007-02-16T08:28:19.422-08:00

This morning, I was attempting to locate our former campaign manager's files and came across McDougal's stash of personal documents. Since we've nothing better to report (bus still broken down in Minnesota and McDougal's gone missing again), I will share some of the contents of the dozens of three-ring binders containing documents scrawled in mixed media, including crayon, blood, and charcoal.The

Friends of McDougalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05938535950200970545noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14326710.post-1161781438352355162006-10-25T06:02:00.000-07:002007-02-16T08:29:18.136-08:00

Friends of McDougalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05938535950200970545noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14326710.post-1161694372675071452006-10-24T05:44:00.000-07:002007-02-16T08:30:18.839-08:00

After a falling out* with our former campaign manager, McDougal is searching for a replacement.Fearful that anyone hired within the borders of the United States of America would likely be a spy tied to the Ashcroft regime (mortal enemies who have hunted McDougal for six centuries) McDougal has taken the job hunt South of the Border.Craig's List Posting in Santiago* By falling out, I mean McDougal

Friends of McDougalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05938535950200970545noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14326710.post-1161654307455050322006-10-23T18:42:00.000-07:002007-02-16T08:42:26.165-08:00

My campaign manager has asked me to write a position paper on our China policy.I mean, my former campaign manager. The McDougal Administration believes in accountability. And accountability means not wasting money on idle policy wonks who can't be trusted to write position papers on their own without punching themselves in the face repeatedly with a brick and falling asleep on a platter of

The Hanged Mannoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14326710.post-1161655263085327062006-10-23T18:36:00.000-07:002007-02-16T08:32:09.326-08:00

I feel like the campaign in slowly losing what little momentum we have gained since this thing began. Shit... It has been over two months now, and not a peep about the campaign in any publication, no matter how minor. Even after many costly re-shoots, no TV networks will air our campaign ads. They say they are "offensive" and "slanderous." Fuck those guys. The closest thing to media coverage we

Vote McDougalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15145527964203959685noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14326710.post-1161628619442391502006-10-23T11:30:00.000-07:002007-02-16T08:32:46.026-08:00

McDougal has been sober since some time Sunday afternoon. He's also not slept since. He's been in round the clock meetings with policy advisers, scholars, and strippers.He's also issued his first actual platform statement to a conservative group in California (a state McDougal claims may or may not even be a part of the United States of America).He wrote the following in crayon on the back of a

Friends of McDougalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05938535950200970545noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14326710.post-1161350348809199882006-10-20T06:14:00.000-07:002007-02-16T08:33:39.794-08:00

McDougal's been missing for almost three days. Campaign manager's gone too.This can't be good. Search of the bus turned up this note taped to the campaign manager's briefcase:Today I thought I'd finally try to figure out what's going on with this"Badly Drawn Boy" kid I heard about some years ago.I'm listening to "One Plus One." This song has a flute.It's not really right for my Wednesday morning

Friends of McDougalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05938535950200970545noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14326710.post-1161261318465714802006-10-19T05:34:00.000-07:002007-02-16T08:34:43.118-08:00

[Kangol]Yo EMD[EMD]Yeah, what's up man?[Kangol]There goes that girl they call Roxanne.She's all stuck up[EMD]Why you say that?[Kangol]Cause she wouldn't give a guy like me no rapShe was walking down the street so I said "HelloI'm Kangol from UTFO."And she said "So?"And I said "So?!? Baby don't you know?I can sing, rap, and dance in just one showCause I'm Kangol, Mr. SophisticataAs far as I'm

The Hanged Mannoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14326710.post-1161130159403119292006-10-17T17:08:00.000-07:002007-02-16T12:46:51.882-08:00

The Hanged Mannoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14326710.post-1160973730827398992006-10-15T21:11:00.000-07:002007-02-16T08:43:53.621-08:00

Campaign Manager's Journal - 10/15/2006 - Assrape TennesseeSeriously, I think they filmed some of the scenes from Deliverance next to our hotel. The Banjo Boy helped me carry my luggage up. I bet it will be pretty easy for McDougal to score meth around here though. Silver linings...I have half a mind to tell McDougal he isn't allowed to navigate anymore. I probably would if the man didn't scare

Vote McDougalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15145527964203959685noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14326710.post-1160960477438696772006-10-15T17:22:00.000-07:002007-02-16T08:40:45.810-08:00

At 11:00 a.m. Thursday we were en route to a hastily arranged campaign event at Mount Rushmore, when McDougal got a call from his cousin Dougal Maguire - a second generation Mic recently relocated to some Southern US shithole where blue laws and pre-suffrage voting requirements remain steadfastly intact.Dougal's cousin is a former IRA soldier who escaped imprisonment and likely death by firing

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ANNOUNCER: Has this ever happened to you?A man wearing a t-shirt printed with the word VOTER is looking at a man wearing a suit and an ELEPHANT mask. ELEPHANT is shaking hands with PASSERBY with his right hand while picking PASSERBY's pocket with his left hand.ANNOUNCER: You vote for a candidate based on their claims of honesty and integrity, only to find out that they are thieves and liars just

Vote McDougalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15145527964203959685noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14326710.post-1160790209532399762006-10-13T18:17:00.000-07:002007-02-16T08:45:08.741-08:00

In the wake of the Foley scandal and in the interest of full disclosure, McDougal has volunteered to make all his instant messenger chat sessions available to the public.Here is one I recently had with the big man.PorkBreakdown: Dude. Do NOT fall victim to thatscent.NameWithheld: Hey, McDougal. How are you?How's life on the campaign trail?PorkBreakdown: Are you listening to me?NameWithheld: I

Friends of McDougalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05938535950200970545noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14326710.post-1160774164248445872006-10-13T13:56:00.000-07:002007-02-16T08:46:33.045-08:00

I was on a wagon train with McDougal in the early 1840's. We were attacked by panthers somewhere near Oklahoma. There was a whole brigade of them -- I don't know, maybe 40 or so. Well, to be honest, they weren't all panthers. There were also a bunch of foxes, zebras, goats and chickens mixed in there. They were led by a single heavyset Guatemalan striding a twin-engine Buick Leviathan (coupe).Of

Friends of McDougalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05938535950200970545noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14326710.post-1160750161309695742006-10-13T07:35:00.000-07:002007-02-16T13:03:05.432-08:00

Today on the campaign trail, we saw a family of Inuits hitchiking.That reminded me of the time McDougal made a canoe with the skin of a family of Inuits.Then he filled it witch cream cheese and ate it.

Friends of McDougalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05938535950200970545noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14326710.post-1160701247926424222006-10-12T17:32:00.000-07:002007-02-16T15:21:26.687-08:00

Couple weeks ago (before our Northern excursion), the campaign caravan was rollin' through Minnesota. We'd just missed a campaign stop in Duluth due to a combination of factors involving McDougal eating our GPS receiver, John Ashcroft, and a surprising lack of cartographic and geography skills among McDougal's top advisors.McDougal was stoned to the bejesus on a solution of mescaline, robitussin

Friends of McDougalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05938535950200970545noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14326710.post-1160529602590486942006-10-10T17:53:00.000-07:002007-02-16T08:49:07.289-08:00

Advice from on highfor those who know nighand wont into Balderdash do fly:The Smith and the Wesson: a graham of wheatgerm(Nothing yet learned from this avuncular firm)Travel on -pack soy like musselsin a fitted skirtleather, she wore the lady of wonkStop not 'til you --Fitherington, Schwartz, Melville and Monk.Ahhh ...The firmest of firmsAll lace and pantiesToo rich for our blood(whiskey shanties

The Hanged Mannoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14326710.post-1160450222468706582006-10-09T20:15:00.000-07:002007-02-16T12:47:30.677-08:00

Copyright 1983, Starbox PressThe council decided that McDougal should be banished to a planet in a distant galaxy. Xerxes would be allowed to accompany him so that his education about 23rd Century life might continue, however McDougal would no longer be allowed access to modern technology. It would take years to repair the damage done to Earth's capitol city, and even with the Alien Overlords

Friends of McDougalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05938535950200970545noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14326710.post-1160445820363990982006-10-09T18:52:00.000-07:002007-02-16T12:48:37.214-08:00

Jesus God, why didn't anyone tell us?They fucking celebrate Thanksgiving in October up here?Why, why, why? For the love of the Sweet baby Jesus and all things holy why didn't anyone tell us the fucking Canucks celebrate Thanksgiving in OCTOBER!?!?Crazy ass uberYanks.What the shitting hell do they have to be thankful about anyway? They can't even vote!We're comin' home right the hell now.(Also,

Friends of McDougalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05938535950200970545noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14326710.post-1160408315253843342006-10-09T08:37:00.000-07:002007-02-16T12:49:39.036-08:00

How to be a Gothic Lolita

The Hanged Mannoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14326710.post-1160322053723767192006-10-08T08:29:00.000-07:002007-02-16T12:50:49.172-08:00

I snuck across the border into the U.S. again last night, with Tina the intern. If McDougal's presidential bid is going to be taken seriously he needs to find a proper running mate, and Canada is not the place to do it. I've been arranging secret meetings with prominent politicians who are either independents or considered outsiders within their own political parties, hoping that I can convince

Vote McDougalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15145527964203959685noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14326710.post-1160270095727558702006-10-07T17:54:00.000-07:002007-02-16T12:52:39.813-08:00

Invented margarine & frozen yogurt.Once slept for 113 hours straight.Has three kidneys (bought one from a Peruvian hustler in 1973 and had it installed by an Amerasian Chiropidist as a back-up. Has only had to use it eleven times, but it paid for itself after a single use.)Lived next to Carl Perkins for three years. The two never spoke, but McDougal once saw him naked.Ghost wrote "Big Fish" and

Friends of McDougalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05938535950200970545noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14326710.post-1160104383339253752006-10-05T19:52:00.000-07:002007-02-16T12:53:54.598-08:00

As shitty as it is up here in Canada, we've really started to make some headway with the press. The liberal media seem to find our Northern campaign quite charming and ... well ... "cute.""No. We're Americans," I assured them, but they weren't buying it. McDougal knew it too, but that obstinate bastard wouldn't admit it to me. I told that big jackass that we didn't need to make our own passports.

Friends of McDougalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05938535950200970545noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14326710.post-1160094455164680052006-10-05T16:58:00.000-07:002007-02-16T12:55:16.652-08:00

CAMPAIGN MANAGER'S JOURNAL - 10/5/2006 - FUCKING CANADAWe're wasting our time up here, but McDougal won't hear of it. Ever since he came up with his "brilliant" scheme to capture 100% of the Canadian vote he has been in his best mood of the whole campaign. I, on the other hand, have slipped into crippling depression. Last night one of the interns caught me weeping softly with the barrel of

Vote McDougalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15145527964203959685noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14326710.post-1160059394989540182006-10-05T07:12:00.000-07:002007-02-16T12:56:33.529-08:00

In some ways, we all knew McD was The Midnight Niggler. From the very first incident in Kansas ... we knew.I was eating breakfast and watching the Katie Couric with an Asian whore the morning after that first niggle went down: three left for dead in a soybean field on the edge of a KC suburb. Katie (of course) reported it with grace and aplomb, but I knew this was no good. McDougal was behind it,

Friends of McDougalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05938535950200970545noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14326710.post-1159967118325719802006-10-04T05:49:00.000-07:002007-02-16T12:58:06.840-08:00

As many of you are aware, McDougal doesn't follow current events as much as we on the campaign tour would like him to. This is generally fine as he gets a daily debriefing from our new intern Diana "Betsy" Ross-Permanente.And usually once she has him depanted, she tells him what's going on in the world.We've only started the daily debriefings in the past week, so there is a lot of old news that

Friends of McDougalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05938535950200970545noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14326710.post-1159919013782006802006-10-03T16:42:00.000-07:002007-02-16T13:00:50.528-08:00

The Hanged Man Movie

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I'm typing this in a very uncomfortable position and have been asked to take "dictation" from the big man. Dictation may or not mean what you think.Best we can figure, sometime in the past half hour, McDougal got into the tour bus's freon reserve and has augmented his buzz by drinking all of the brake fluid and anti-freeze from the engine. He is, as best we can tell, celebrating the recent deal

Friends of McDougalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05938535950200970545noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14326710.post-1159836633784190362006-10-02T17:42:00.000-07:002007-02-16T13:01:41.061-08:00

I am already three times spoken wiat thth it (what" the? EXAC keys won yThis what you haven't beliverance? than I sit at the tyn't stay stillanyway.Nojust typethese are TLY. d interview with myself - McDougal.sy. These fuckingwhoucome type this shit, Slosen? Ipills.Ihave taken tham.Wait. What? Thape of what you might want then. A candie what I say.

The Hanged Mannoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14326710.post-1159541989224761342006-09-29T07:59:00.000-07:002007-02-16T13:04:52.713-08:00

We're also guest blogging with a mule today.

Friends of McDougalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05938535950200970545noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14326710.post-1159534535980956572006-09-29T05:20:00.000-07:002007-02-16T13:06:04.388-08:00

Following the unplanned stop at the prehistoric park yesterday, McDougal felt he'd gotten behind on the campaign trail and immediately sat down to plan the next 14 days of his campaign tour. This seemed like a pretty good idea until McDougal showed us the new campaign route he'd mapped out."Sally," he says. "We're going after the silent majority.""Uhhh ... I'm not Sally, sir," I say."Right. Betty

Friends of McDougalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05938535950200970545noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14326710.post-1159408069883570412006-09-27T18:46:00.000-07:002007-02-16T13:07:08.967-08:00

CAMPAIGN MANAGER'S JOURNAL - 9/27/2006 - THE PREHISTORIC FORESTOnce again, I'm hung over. And once again the bus comes to a screaming halt in the middle of a busy highway. McDougal has become enamored with another cheesy tourist trap. This time it is The Prehistoric Forest. While we are stopped a driver behind us fires several obscene gestures at McDougal then tries to pass the convoy on the

Vote McDougalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15145527964203959685noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14326710.post-1159235108956898812006-09-25T18:21:00.000-07:002007-02-16T13:08:13.902-08:00

Copyright 1983, Starbox PressOnce the effects of the freezing had finally worn off, McDougal immediately set about exploring his new environment. However, he didn't make it much further than the laboratory's doorway. In the 200 years he had been packed away, the world had become almost unrecognizable to him. The streets teemed with alien life forms and modes of transportation he could not fathom

Friends of McDougalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05938535950200970545noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14326710.post-1158803424522493432006-09-20T17:56:00.000-07:002007-02-16T13:35:56.909-08:00

While McDougal is on the road for his big presidential campaign tour, I have once again been assigned to sort his mail. Mostly he just gets shampoo samples and Fredericks of Hollywood catalogs, but there were a few items that I think might be of interest to you readers. Most interesting, of course, was a large manilla envelope containing photographs of a certain head of state having sexual

Friends of McDougalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05938535950200970545noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14326710.post-1158630171449534252006-09-18T17:36:00.000-07:002007-02-16T13:12:11.760-08:00

CAMPAIGN MANAGER'S JOURNAL - 9/18/2006 - DRIVE-THRU AFRICAN SAFARIWe had been making good time over the past couple of days, but early this morning the convoy came to a screeching halt, causing me to tumble out of one of the bunk beds at the back of the bus. I ran to the front, thinking there had been some sort of accident. I found McDougal standing outside the bus, gazing up at a billboard,

Vote McDougalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15145527964203959685noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14326710.post-1158281824682969122006-09-14T16:47:00.000-07:002007-02-16T13:14:20.581-08:00

For well over 100 years the Fejee Mermaid has been regarded as one of P.T. Barnum's most infamous hoaxes. What has not been revealed, until now, is McDougal's very important role in the saga of the Fejee Mermaid.Contrary to popular belief, Barnum did not intend on perpetrating a hoax with the Fejee Mermaid from the outset. With, by today's standards, so little of the world explored at that time,

Friends of McDougalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05938535950200970545noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14326710.post-1158119487499672632006-09-12T20:07:00.000-07:002007-02-16T13:15:34.331-08:00

Campaign Manager's Journal - 9/12/06 - The World Famous Mystery SpotLast night's September 11th memorial speech drew our largest attendance ever. There must have been fifty people! We hung a giant American flag between the outstretched arms of the pink gorilla, who was positioned directly behind the stage. I think this is what drew the people in...McDougal drew thunderous applause when he told

Vote McDougalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15145527964203959685noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14326710.post-1157929062767716222006-09-10T15:57:00.000-07:002007-02-16T13:16:23.410-08:00

Friends of McDougalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05938535950200970545noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14326710.post-1157627282270169512006-09-07T04:02:00.000-07:002007-02-16T13:17:14.203-08:00

McDougal merchandise is now back in stock at the Starbox Shop.

Vote McDougalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15145527964203959685noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14326710.post-1157603070765038262006-09-06T21:23:00.000-07:002007-02-16T13:17:58.764-08:00

"Idle hands are the Devil's nunchucks."

Friends of McDougalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05938535950200970545noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14326710.post-1157514608001344012006-09-05T20:48:00.000-07:002007-02-16T13:18:45.418-08:00

"If it smells like someone died, don't open the refrigerator dude."

Friends of McDougalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05938535950200970545noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14326710.post-1157470726429877872006-09-05T08:23:00.000-07:002007-02-16T13:19:45.941-08:00

McDougal took an afternoon off from his busy campaign schedule to catch a matinee of Snakes on a Plane. I took this opportunity to transcribe his remarks and post them here.Finally, a movie that delivers exactly what it promises. Look. There are clearly snakes. And a plane. This may be the best movie since Porky's. I like that Sammy Jackson Jr. The way he tap dances... When they make a movie

Friends of McDougalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05938535950200970545noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14326710.post-1157423433374968912006-09-04T19:05:00.000-07:002007-02-20T17:25:11.880-08:00

MCDOUGAL CAMPAIGN TOUR - DAY 13Campaign Manager's Journal 9/4/06 - somewhere in GeorgiaWent out drinking with McDougal last night. He insisted that I was stressing out over the campaign too much and that if he got me laid it would lighten me up a bit. I had serious doubts about his ability to pick up women. At his best, McDougal is usually incoherent. At his worst... Well, imagine a cross

Vote McDougalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15145527964203959685noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14326710.post-1156994343288802332006-08-30T19:23:00.000-07:002007-02-16T13:22:08.735-08:00

For a few years in the late 1970s most of the delis in New York City were selling a kind of a sandwich called "The McDougal." The Big Man's vices were considered excessive by even the Studio 54 crowd, which is saying quite a lot. Of course, in '70s New York that was exactly the kind of thing that would make one a celebrity. The sandwich was as excessive as the man whose name it bore. A whole

Friends of McDougalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05938535950200970545noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14326710.post-1156868656745559052006-08-29T09:05:00.000-07:002007-02-16T13:23:21.872-08:00

Campaign Managers Journal 8/29/06 - somewhere in the MidwestMcDougal seems to have instituted a new system of navigation. We are travelling from ice cream shop to ice cream shop. Chain stores are not acceptable, nor are hard ice cream shops. Only locally owned soft serve. Preferably in some sort of novelty building. McDougal seems to know the exact location of every Dairy Duck, Tast-E-King, Curly

Vote McDougalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15145527964203959685noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14326710.post-1156355162428591622006-08-23T10:15:00.001-07:002007-02-16T13:24:16.508-08:00

This speech was given to a crowd of seven in Provo, Utah on August 22:It has not been edited for accuracy, brevity, or clarity. These are the words just as they rolled from the big man's gullet:What manner of fruit is this? I thought it was a pink lady. Theapple. Its exterior is soft and supple ... but smooth ... like a lady ...almost plasticine. And behold. It has a pit. Like apeach. Dear God,

Friends of McDougalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05938535950200970545noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14326710.post-1156298662896129022006-08-22T17:57:00.000-07:002007-02-16T13:25:19.915-08:00

Campaign Manager's Journal - 8/22/06 - Washington, D.C.The Campaign Convoy got off to a late start this morning. Had to rent an extra truck at the last minute because McDougal insisted we bring more drugs, weapons and several novelty items that he made me track down at the last minute. We probably wouldn't have needed the truck if he didn't insist on the giant inflatable gorilla like the ones you

Vote McDougalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15145527964203959685noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14326710.post-1156127334470377372006-08-20T19:28:00.000-07:002007-02-16T13:26:07.963-08:00

Conventional wisdom says that a presidential election is a popularity contest. McDougal wants to take the conventional wisdom, roll it over and fuck it up the ass until it cries for mercy. McDougal doesn't seek popularity. McDougal seeks respectful fear.The average presidential candidate wants the voters to view him as a trusted friend. McDougal wants the voters to view him as an uncle who's in

Vote McDougalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15145527964203959685noreply@blogger.com